Undressing Old Wounds

Have you ever felt like a situation was too heavy for you to handle, and all you wanted to do was run?

I felt that way for most of my journey. When things got tough, I felt this sudden urge to run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I would avoid dealing with or confronting certain issues because of fear. I did not know how to handle baggage or what to expect next.

Have you ever wondered why you may still battle with certain habits or feel a ridiculous amount of emotional heaviness that catches up with you when you least expect it?

Well, it might be because there are some wounds in your life that you have not allowed to fully heal. Such as situations that you have not dealt with or hurt that you may have not let go of. That was the problem in my case. It was not only until God highlighted these wounds and took me on a journey of undressing them, that I could receive complete healing and freedom.

There were many times when I felt like I got the raw end of the deal, meaning I was stuck in a difficult position and I didn't know why or how to get out. It was only when I reached a dead-end, that I found God.

He dug into the hidden chambers and exposed the things I so desperately tried to hide. It was a long and strenuous process but if I compare myself now to the person I was then, I understand why it was necessary. God wants you to live in the light. He doesn't want you to bear the weight of the world on a day to day basis. Some things that may have happened to you in your life were not your fault and you still end up carrying the responsibility of these things. Some things that happened in your life may be because of the choices and mistakes that you made in the past but you don't need to define yourself by them.

He asked me to come on an adventure with him. I didn't really know what this meant at the time, but I knew I had to start undressing my old wounds.

LET YOUR WOUNDS BREATHE

“You bleed so eloquently as though beauty spews out of your tear-stained veins. Tears, we are all allowed to let them go sometimes, we are allowed to let them fall as they please without trying to dictate their length. Time, there is no time allocated to the healing of a broken heart, there is no time frame on emotional healing. Let your wounds breathe.” - Anesu Mautsa

There are a couple of lessons I learnt from my journey of confronting my wounds and God has encouraged me to share them with you:

1. There is no time frame on emotional healing:

We try to put a measure of time on the healing process and that does not work. We think that if we don't talk about the situation or don't acknowledge it or cry about it, we have healed, but we haven’t. Healing presents itself in different forms. Sometimes it happens in stages. We want to be over someone or something so badly, that we try to bandage the wounds without allowing God to operate on them first. Sometimes we need to let our wounds breathe. We need to ride the wave and go through the motions. It does not make you weak to cry, it does not make you weak to feel. One thing that I've realised is that vulnerability is where my strength is found. There is no time frame on emotional healing.

2. Where I surrender is where I find my healing

Matthew 11:18 Then Jesus said: “Come to me all who are weary, and all who carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest”

For so long I used to believe that I bear the responsibility to heal myself. That I should carry all the weight. It was not until reached my dead-end that I realised that all God wanted me to do, was surrender. He is there waiting for you with arms wide open. He wants to share your load but we don't allow him because we don't surrender it all to him. It is difficult to have faith and trust that God is in control of your situation but your point of surrender is where you will find your healing.

3. Closure is something you choose for yourself.

A common misconception that a lot of us have is that we feel the need to "get closure" from the perpetrator. We give them the power and keys to our happiness and our wholeness by seeking an apology or reaction of some sort. It is totally normal to feel like you deserve an apology and sometimes we mistake this “apology” or “dialogue” for closure. Closure is not found in someone else. It's not dependent on what the other person says or does to make the situation right, it is something that you have to choose for yourself. You need to decide that you will heal and you will be whole with or without their apology.

4. You are not your past, you are not your mistakes.

It takes courage to move past our mistakes. It takes strength to forgive yourself. What God highlighted in my heart, was that if you don't understand grace you won't understand forgiveness. Forgiveness is about grace. Once you begin to walk in God’s grace, you will be able to forgive yourself, for who you were or what you did in your past. You will stop walking in shame and start walking in freedom. You are who God says you are, you are not your past, and you are not your mistakes.

Undressing old wounds takes time. It takes strength, courage and faith. The sooner you embark on a journey of dealing with old wounds the sooner you will start to walk in the freedom that Jesus died on the cross for.

You are love and light. You can do anything through Christ who strengthens you.

Anesu Mautsa