The Old Story

I lied to myself for so many years.

I told myself that I was incapable of living beyond the patterns that governed my life. These patterns were the physical and emotional limits that I placed on myself. I convinced myself that I was stuck. Stuck in a story that told me who I was, based on the mistakes I had made and the life I had always known.

Narrative: a spoken or written account of connected events; a story.

What is your story?

The main story that I told myself was that “I am a victim”, “There's something wrong with me“ and “Things never go my way“.

When anything negative happened to me, these are the first thoughts that I would run back to. I had an automated response for each scenario that played out in my life and this response was to shut down and give up.

When bad/negative things would happen, I stopped showing up for myself. It was almost like I had selective amnesia. I forgot about all of the things that were working for me, despite what was working against me. My seasons felt like lifetimes. My thoughts ran rampant. I was dragged by false narratives, self-doubt and the opinions of others.

At the beginning of 2020, I decided to take my power back. I was done with feeling so stuck, depressed and helpless. I looked at the tools in my arsenal and started doing the work.

My new story started with this affirmation:

"I can do anything, it is just a matter of HOW"

I then started listing ways of HOW I could reach my goals, dreams and ultimately transform my mind:

• Through hard work, commitment and consistency

• Through Christ that strengthens me

• Through sacrifice and discipline

• Through exercise and rest

• Through journaling, mindfulness and gratitude

• Through the support of friends and family

• Through SHOWING UP even when feeling depressed, anxious, fearful and overwhelmed

I then set up a routine with a few tasks that I challenged myself to complete in order to win my day. I call these my non-negotiables. I started with 3 in January: Quiet Time (Journaling & Gratitude Practice), Exercise and Personal Development. As the year progressed, I added reading and working on my business.

Setting up this system was a way to cultivate mental strength. It was also a way of breaking old patterns and rewriting a new story. Accountability has also played a huge role in changing my story. I have accountability partners in all areas of my life so that when I am ready to fold, I have people that remind me of why I started.

I have come to notice that winter months are the hardest for me. I tend to lose steam and operate in survival mode. During this time, I make sure I'm aware of what I’m feeling and allow myself to process. I reach out for help, pray and keep showing up for myself.

NB: Showing up changes form in different seasons. Sometimes we have to adjust and alter the system in order to make it through. That’s okay too.

I now know that just because shutting down and giving up is what I have always done, it doesn't mean it's what I have to continue to do. We are all capable of change, period!

Another important realization that I have had is that time moves even when we standstill. Life requires us to show up for ourselves, especially in the seasons when it seems like the cards are against us, when the walls start closing in and heaviness weighs on our souls. We don’t have to sink and stay there. Sometimes we have to fight on our knees.

This is a quote that I hold dear to my heart:

“Don’t lose sight of the horizon line amid the chaos. Eyes up.

The future still awaits and is being built by your daily mindset, habits, goals and actions. Don’t give up when locked down, show up.

Don’t lose intention and dreams.

An extraordinary future is still there, waiting for us to shape it.

Remember it always: Purpose. Purpose. Purpose”

......-Brendon Buchard

You can defy the urge to wrap yourself in your old story or pattern and swap it out for a new one. You can exchange the victimhood for resilience and transformation.

What’s the new mandate? What's your new story?

By Anesu Mautsa

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