Forever Ever 6ixlove!

Loss is a reminder to walk through life with the awareness that people can be here today and gone tomorrow. Moments are fleeting. Time moves even when we stand still. Check-in with those you love. Tell them that you love them. Smile and show up when you can❤️🕊

It’s strange. To think that you’re gone, you’re actually gone.

I only truly came to accept this last week in my counselling session. I sat in front of my counsellor, in both anger, shock and horror, distraught at the fact that you’re really gone.

It’s been 3 months exactly. My body reminded me. I was going about my day and I got hit with this deep wave of sorrow. My heart sank, tears started streaming down my face, my body remembered. My body reminded me. My heart is shattered. I want you back my twin.

There’s so much that I want to say, that I can’t quite put into words yet but Tanaka, thank you for seeing me. Thank you for hearing me.

You encouraged me to write poetry and you always listened to what I had to say, thank you for that. Thank you for being a safe space for me. Thank you for accepting me wholly and completely especially when I couldn’t accept myself. You allowed me to vent and fall apart. You accepted my ugly.

There are many crazy memories that we shared but one of the many defining ones, was when you sat in the lounge with us (Rumbi and I) and shared your heart with us. You apologized and took responsibility for your wrongs. You inspired me, you still do. It takes courage to embark on a journey of recovery, you did that. Thank you for believing in me and my dreams. For supporting We Are Becoming , even from Malaysia (Side note, your Worthy hoodie is printed sitting in my room waiting to be shipped). For always telling me how proud you were of me, being my cheerleader and standing up for me.

I can’t help but think, I wish you were here for this. I remember asking you to hold me accountable for my weight loss journey in 2019, I failed countless times, but I’m finally consistent. I wish you were here to see this. I wish we had more New Years adventures, more poetry sessions, more deep meaningful conversations and more memories. I wish you were here to meet my bae and give me your unsolicited but wise opinion on him - LOL. My twin, I wish we could do more birthday countdowns like we did every year- leaving yours and entering mine.

On the 18th of September 2015 you said : "I will never leave you in the darkness if you ever find yourself in the darkness, I will put myself right next to you and we will both find the way out... I mean it".

I will never forget these words. Thank you for being in the darkness with me. Thank you for wearing your heart on your sleeve, for loving people and for bringing joy into everyone’s lives - Mufaro.

Thank you for loving me, always.

"I wish I could give you a world without monsters, I wish I could slay all the giants that haunt you. I swear I’d fight your fears until you find the courage to face the demons we’ve all got, I know heroes are hard to believe in but I’ll be right there if you need me“ - Super Human by Natalie Lauren

The background behind the song: https://natalielaurensims.com/super-human/

I love you,

Forever ever 6ixlove❤️

Rest in Power, Tanaka Mufaro Javangwe🕊