Self-Deprecation is not cute!

“Self-deprecation is not cute” - Siviwe D.

I had a friend who would always say this to me every time I went on a tangent about how frustrated I was with myself and how little I had accomplished in my life, relative to those around me.

Self- deprecation//

The act of reprimanding oneself by belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging oneself, or being excessively modest.

We do this thinking we are being modest but in actual fact we aren't. A couple of weeks ago, while I was editing my company website ("We Are Becoming"), I came across the testimonials page. A rush of confidence swept through my body as I realised the impact of the We Are Becoming initiative, in the lives of many young women.

I took a trip down memory lane, thinking about how I only started the journey of loving myself in September 2017 (this was around the same time that "We Are Becoming" was birthed). For years prior to this, I always found something wrong with who I was. I thought the most beautiful thing about me was my potential to look like others and to be like others. I hated myself, my character and my body.

It would show in my friendships and relationships. I never thought I was worthy of love, especially romantic love. I did not think I was beautiful and so I never dressed or acted like a woman who knew her worth.

I believed I wasn’t cut out for a life bigger than my insecurities. I often doubted myself and my abilities. I never thought I would finish a degree nor do a post grad. I equated myself to failure and because failure is what I saw, failure is what I was. It didn’t help that I surrounded myself with people who fed into my self-pity.

We don’t applaud ourselves because we don’t want to be too “proud”. We hang our heads low in shame thinking that it is humility, when in actual fact it is not. I’m not by any means saying that you should be arrogant but what I am saying is that it is okay to clap for yourself and acknowledge how far you have come. It is okay to be proud of yourself and of your achievements as well as speak about them.

It is okay to accept compliments and speak with confidence about your strengths and abilities. We do it so well in interviews but somehow we struggle to do this in real life.

We sell ourselves short when we get into the habit of self-deprecation. I realised this through my friends. They would speak more highly of me, than I did of myself. I had friends that would see and call out the queen in me- and it finally hit me, it’s time that I started viewing myself through this lens as well.

I’m proud of this girl and who God has created her to be. I’m proud of the wars she has fought in order to be where she is now. I'm proud of that fact that she has used her pain to start an initiative centred around empowering women. I'm proud of the work she has done and the person that she is in the process of becoming. I’m proud of the fact that she is committed to growing and learning. I’m proud that she didn’t give up and because of this, she can share her story with many other girls who have struggled in the same way that she has.

Self-Deprecation isn’t cute and that's a fact.

Today, I would like to encourage you to acknowledge your achievements, not in a conceited way, but in a way that encourages you to reach higher heights. To harness the power and potential that is within you.

Affirmation of the day: I am proud of who I am and what I have accomplished.

By Anesu Mautsa