Teary-eyed

I had an issue with my tears. I used to dislike crying because I felt weak, like I had lost a war of some sort. I used to feel like the pain that I experienced didn’t entitle me to tears. It wasn’t deep enough and it wasn’t real enough based on other people’s perceptions of what “real” pain and “real” suffering were.

I remember that I used to share my life and my experiences with a lot of people, especially my friends. Their reactions would often make me feel like my pain didn’t qualify to be spoken about. I would always get disappointed and hurt by their responses because I was told things like "it’s not that deep". Some people even laughed or said that I had issues. Others made me feel like there was something wrong with me, because I was feeling so deeply about a situation they deemed to be trivial. I do understand that there are times when we overreact or when we do need to be told the truth however, the fact remains that people are different. Some understand, others don’t but can still sympathise and some genuinely don’t care because that is the nature of people.

Not everyone understands our pain and not many people want to but just because a person doesn’t understand the magnitude of hurt you are experiencing, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t experiencing it or that it is not valid.

It was a wake-up call for me to realize that I need to be careful of whom I share my heart with. I also need to remember that people are different and I can’t expect them all to understand. Most importantly, I am allowed to cry. I do not need anyone's permission to feel and my tears don’t make me weak.

Anesu Mautsa